The “Good” Actor
I was 23 when I graduated WAAPA,
A pretty prestigious drama school
In Western Australia.
By the time I left,
I had earned every award
The school had to offer:
The Showcase Award,
The Screen Award,
The Shakespeare Award.
The whole kit and caboodle.
Shortly after graduating
I booked and agent,
And I thought to myself… “I’m set”.
I felt really confident entering the industry.
By every metric I could see,
I was a “good actor”,
Destined for never-ending opportunities and work.
…But that’s not how the industry operates.
In the real world,
All the accolades meant absolutely peanuts.
The industry is indifferent to awards and training.
It wants to know two things:
Are you the right piece of the jigsaw puzzle?
And, when the chips are down,
Can you deliver?
***
I spent nearly ten years people pleasing.
Trying to fit the casting mould.
Trying desperately to “get it right”.
Trying to squeeze myself into
What I thought they wanted.
Can you blame me?
Why wouldn’t I?
I’m human.
I wanted to be liked.
I wanted to work.
My thinking was;
“If I just work hard,
If I can prove I’m a good actor,
Then I’ll land that one gig and I’ll be set”.
Well, instead of landing that one gig,
I found myself back at square one.
Back in the world of independent theatre,
Where I started my career,
Performing Shakespeare in a park,
Asking for money out of a hat.
Don’t get me wrong,
Those are some of my favourite memories of being an actor…
And always will be.
But I was desperate for new experiences,
For work that inspired me,
And a sense of security.
Because I knew one day
I wanted to raise a family
And to be able to support them,
Doing what I love.
But the opportunities I wanted
Just weren’t coming.
***
As the years went by,
I watched my friends flying…
Booking leading roles in film, television, and major theatre shows.
And I couldn’t help myself from thinking
“Why them"?
"Why not me”?
“Am I not good enough”?
“Not… good looking enough”?
“What’s wrong with me”?
Pretty soon I began to feel left out…
Left behind.
I was so envious…
Looking at their careers,
And resenting my own.
More questions began creeping in.
“Is this a huge waste of my time”?
“How can I make a living out of this”?
“How can I sustain myself
Let alone a family
With so few opportunities”?
Of course,
I blamed the industry,
The way I look.
I made excuses for others' success
Because they look a certain way
Or had more opportunities than I did.
Everything I could point a finger at,
Other than myself…
***
By 27, I hit a dead end.
My career was stagnant.
I was living a life of what you might call
Quiet desperation.
No intention.
No real meaning.
Nowhere to put my energy,
And no way to do the thing I loved.
I was stuck.
Stuck in my behaviours,
My habits,
And a horrible cycle of self-judgment.
Not that I can pinpoint a specific low point,
But a memory that sticks out
When I was sat in a room full of people at the library,
Crying as quietly as I could to myself,
Desperately trying to come up with answers.
The truth is…
It was probably obvious that I wasn’t well.
At the time I was treating myself pretty poorly
And my best friend spotted it.
He caught me during what my other friends would dub
“The Dark Times”,
A kind of inside joke about where all of us actors were at in life.
I think my best mate could see where that joke was heading,
If I carried on down that path.
So he offered to help steer me in the right direction…
It seemed I had two choices:
Continue feeling powerless and bitter about the industry's indifference,
Or take responsibility for my life and career.
***
He taught me something very valuable, my best mate:
In this industry, you don’t just have to sink or swim.
It’s not a survive or drown situation.
You can also simply… float.
Take care of yourself when times are rough and just…
Learn to stay afloat.
Well, I tried floating.
And as I was floating,
I realised that there is, in fact, one more option.
You can build your own boat and you can start to row.
I returned to acting class,
Started writing,
Shifted my focus to film and television,
Learned how to say “no”
And what it means to give work I’m proud of,
Work that is an expression of who I am,
Rather than trying to people please.
Over the next few years,
I learned new skills,
Established meaningful connections with other creators
And slowly but surely,
Things started to change.
I began to create my own opportunities to do what I love.
***
Rather than trying to book a “job”,
And relying on acting for survival,
My focus became
How to build a sustainable career.
I became obsessed with reading about
How I could grow as an artist.
So I invested in myself,
In coaches,
And some incredible acting mentors.
I built new systems for preparation,
Performing and reviewing my work.
Rather than focussing on what I could get,
I started focussing on what I had to offer.
On what I had to contribute to the industry.
And to my surprise…
The opportunities I had so desperately craved,
Began coming to me.
Within five years,
I was standing on the set of,
HBO Max, Paramount+ and Netflix productions,
Opposite the likes of
Sam Neil, Jamie Dornan, Sam Worthington and Toni Collette.
All while starting a family with my partner.
***
Why am I telling you all this?
I wish somebody had taught me this
Before I left drama school:
A long career isn’t built solely
On being a “good actor”.
I know plenty of good actors
Who don’t act anymore.
Drama school grads,
Genuinely talented people who,
If the right job came along,
Could pick it up in a heartbeat.
But the acting lifestyle was too unsustainable.
I’ve spent the last eight years
Breaking the narrative that,
In order to succeed,
I need to be a “good actor”,
That I need to please people,
And “get it right”
And fit the mould to book a job.
I want to help the younger version of myself.
The one searching for a way forward.
***
Rather than being a “good actor”,
I want to be a resilient one.
An actor who’s in it for the long game.
Who takes responsibility
And focuses on what they can control,
And lets go of what they can’t.
An actor who is honest,
Who knows their values
And the value of their work.
One who can stand on set
Or on any stage
And know they’re going to deliver
A piece of themselves.
An actor capable of navigating
The challenging times,
Looking after themselves,
Building connections
And finding ways to give their art,
Even when the opportunities aren’t there.
An actor who has the tools and capability
To navigate the inner chaos
Of what can feel like, at times,
An indifferent and unfeeling industry.
An actor who wakes up every day,
Energised, knowing what they want,
Having something meaningful to contribute,
And the means to do it.
And I want to help others do the same.
So I'm going to use this platform to share
Anything and everything that I think is valuable
In building a sustainable life and career around acting.
And I want to share it with anyone who sees the value in it.
***
To make something clear:
I don’t have all the answers.
I’m still very much a student of the game.
Because I’m still a working actor,
Constantly learning and constantly growing -
Not some armchair professor.
I love that phrase;
“Armchair professor”.
Reminds me of someone who
Sits alone in their smoking room,
Making judgements,
Telling everyone what to do from the sidelines.
I’ll never be that.
My desire is to always be in the arena,
With you,
Sharing what I practice
Because it keeps me accountable
To my own creative process, my habits and my art.
But more than that,
Because there’s a moment that occurs sometimes
When I’m working,
And I see a lightbulb go off for someone.
I can feel it.
That moment of electricity,
When they’ve had a realisation…
And make a discovery that is personal for them…
That moment to me,
Is one of the most pure moments of satisfaction
I can imagine.
***
So.
If you feel lost in your craft,
Or stagnant in your career,
This is where I’ll be sharing
All the lessons, habits, systems and tools
That took me from performing indy theatre in a park,
Literally begging for money out of a hat,
To AACTA award-winning film and television.
I hope you find it useful.
Welcome to The Resilient Actor
Let's have some fun.
D x
