Hard Choice = Easy Life.

A few years ago

I decided I wanted to try something different.

My career had come to a bit of a cross-roads

And I felt stagnant.

Bored.

Until that point I had been doing theatre,

Indy and professionally

For my entire career.

And outside of one big guest role on TV

Some ads and short films,

My experience on screen was just about nil.

And it was something I was so desperate to explore.

I was so keen to play in that field.

It looked like so much fun.

But at the time,

I was in a pretty solid habit

Of just taking what ever work that was on offer.

What ever came easily.

And fair enough.

I liked working!

I liked being paid to act.

It’s a crazy privilege.

Even if I didn’t see it like that at the time…

I was just going about my work,

Saying yes to what ever was put in front of me.

Anyway.

To satisfying this desire to make change

And work on screen

I started putting myself out there

As a reader for films and tv.

Something I’ve talked about

Still keeping up to this day.

During this time,

I was invited to work on a project

Helping to shoot the pre-visuals

On a film.

Which was super exciting for me.

Because it meant being on location

With the director and a bunch of other talented actors

Working as if we were shooting the thing for real.

Great experience,

Great learning,

For someone wanting to see how big film sets worked.

And from working on that job for a few weeks,

I was offered an opportunity to audition for the film itself.

Which for me at the time,

Felt like a massive deal.

So I did.

I gave it everything and actually

Thought the tape was alright.

A bit dorky… but you know what…

I am dorky.

I sent it and went about my life.

With all my fingers and toes crossed.

***

Maybe a month went by.

It just so happened that

At this time I was also

Rehearsing another theatre show.

It was my day off. 

I was in Redfern, seeing some friends.

A welcome break from some pretty intense rehearsals.

My phone buzzed. 

My agent:

“Hi Damo,

I just got a call from casting about that tape.

Unfortunately

They  don’t think you’re right for the producer role, 

But…

They’d love to offer you a different part”.

Oh my god.

My very first feature film offer.

And with Colombia Pictures.

My heart leaps out of my chest.

I nearly shit my pants. 

A moment I’d dreamed of since I was a kid - 

“Oh and by the way”

My agent continues…

“You’ll be playing opposite Domhnall Gleeson”. 

I do shit my pants.

After I collect myself, 

I do the “I’ve got a golden ticket” run from 

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

All the way home to tell my partner. 

But as soon as I tell her, she reminds me…

“The dates of the film clash with the play”

Oh… 

I asked my agent what to do.

She tells me that we’re under

Contact with the theatre company. 

We have a responsibility to them. 

And I have two choices:

Pull out of the show and take the film role,

Potentially destroying relations with the company,

Or 

Stay in the show and maintain the status quo.

Surely not I think… 

I tell her, 

“I’ll ask to do both.

“This is  massive opportunity for me. 

Surely they’ll be reasonable”.

I organised a meeting with the director immediately

And went to my trusty journal.

I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say.

And the following day,

I went into the meeting.

Heart full of hope.

I laid out my case as best I could to the director.

 His response, an emphatic:

“No”. 

“We have contracts for a reason”.

And that was that.

I tried to protest.

To explain how much it meant to me.

But plea fell on deaf ears.

“It would cost way too much money to replace you”.

“I’m sorry but there is just no way we will allow it”

After he left the room…

An overwhelming sadness washed over me.

How could he not understand?

Without meaning to, 

I collapsed on the company manager’s shoulder

And sobbed uncontrollably while she held me.

I’ll always appreciate her for that.

I struggled to sleep for days.

To quit or not to quit?

I stewed over this dilemma for a week.

And finally… 

I followed the advice of my agent.

I made… the easier choice,

To not rock the boat.

I swallowed my desires.

And turned the film down.

I didn’t drop the show. 

Like a good actor who is easy to work with,

Responsible and reliable…

I fulfilled my contract. 

And felt… absolutely horrible about it. 

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d made an awful mistake. 

I don’t blame myself. 

It was a rational choice. 

It felt like the “right” thing to do.

I don’t blame my agent either. 

She has professional relationships to protect.

And deep down,

She only wants what’s best for me and my career. 

But deep down I think I knew,

I made the choice I thought I ‘should’

Because it was the easy choice.

The comfortable choice.

To remain safe within the company that I knew. 

And not to ruffle feathers.

What’s that old saying-

Better the devil you know than the one you don’t…?

But I was desperately sad to see 

A potentially life-changing chance

Slip through my fingers,

Due to fear of the unknown… 

***

Why am I telling you this?

We can create meaning out of any situation.

We can decide what lessons to draw form an experience. 

And we can turn those lessons into principles

To help us change in order to make

Meaningful progress in

Not just our careers,

But our whole lives.

That sounds dramatic as fuck.

But it’s true.

Out of this experience, 

I learned something…

And my career took a seismic shift.

After that show ended,

I made a new choice.

To step away from that company.

Not for good. 

But until I’d achieved some of the things

 I really wanted to.

Two questions helped:

“What is the lesson here”?

And the sometimes more challening:

“What is the benefit of this situation”?

Sometimes answering these questions  is

Easier said than done.

But it’s a practice I truly believe is life changing.

It wasn’t until years

Later that I truly considered

What I’d learned from the experience.

But now it feels very clear:

Hard Choice = Easy Life.

Easy Choice = Hard Life.

So…

Trust my gut and make the hard choice. 

Make the short term sacrifice

For the long term gain.

And in order to do this,

Rather than trying to rationalise why

I “should” or “shouldn’t” do something

I can simply listen to my body.

What is my body telling me? 

It is the most honest guide I will ever have. 

And to trust that. 

“Hard choice, easy life”

Isn’t always about

Making those grand sacrifices

That everyone sees and applauds, saying:

“Wow what an amazing

Actor who gave up so much to

For their craft”!

No.

Sometimes

It might just be making a choice…

Making the internal sacrifice in the short term

In order to make space

For what you really want moving forwards.

So down the track

You know you acted in accordance with your

Own values and what actually matters to you.

Sometimes the easy choice,

Is to do absolutely nothing.

And simply keep allowing things to

Continue the way they are.

But if nothing ever changes,

Then nothing will ever change…

And that’s what leads to stagnation.

***

I don’t regret the decision I made.

Because that decision helped get

Me to where I am.

I wouldn’t be me without it.

But I do sometimes wish I did’t have to

Go through experiences like that

To have lessons so clearly laid out!

But that’s life… that’s how we learn.

I don’t know if I’m a

“Have no regrets in life”

Type person…

Perhaps not “regrets” per say…

But there are certainly

Moments that I would do differently,

If I had my time again.

Having said that,

I do agree,

That the past is not worth mulling over.

Ruminating on yourself and your past

Choices and actions is a one way ticket

To anxiety.

But what I do know for sure is,

It would be a mistake not to learn from it.

So if you

Have a big decision to make,

Or even a little decision…

Try journalling for 7 minutes.

Keep it easy.

Don’t try to over-intellectualise this exercise.

Just word vomit for 7 minutes:

“What is my body telling me”?

Then take a step back

To reflect.

***

To book-end my story from the top…

Guess what?

After stepping away from the company

With time, patience, preparation and a hell of a lot of luck-

The feature film and television opportunities 

Came back again and again,

Until I’d checked a few of those dreams off my bucket list.  

So,

If you’re going through it,

Perhaps you’re right in the middle

Of one of these moments right now…

And the lesson isn’t clear yet.

Maybe you need more time and space.

Or perhaps the story isn’t quite over…

Remember:

Hard choice = easy life.

Have fun out there.

Dx