The Stress Of Never Working

Dear Damo

I watched a lecture today.

A performance psychologist talking about

Stress.

And it was really interesting.

She turned the words “stress” into a neutral phrase

To help us undertand that “stress” ins’t

In and of itself, a badthing.

We need stress.

She mentioned that there are in fact

Two types of stress.

Distress:

The stress that causes us pain and anguish.

And 

Eustress:

The stress with put ourselves through

In order to grow.

Like working out at a gym,

Going for a run,

Or working on skill development as an artist.

She went on to talk about

All the various undesirable stresses

Of being an actor.

The stress of being away on tour.

Of not getting along with your director

Or cast mates,

Of losing sleep during rehearsals

Or struggling with diet

With a hectic shoot schedule

Etc.

Many, many different scenarios

That cause stress.

But then, it kinda’ stopped there…

And I wanted to say…

Excuse me,

Wait on.

It’s not the  working that I find difficult.

It’s not being away on tour

Or negotiating stress in rehearsals

Or on stage.

I don’t have a problem working

I love working.

My problem

Is never working.

My problem is the waiting.

It’s the never having an opportunity.

It’s the feeling like I’m wasting my life

In pursuit of something that doesn’t feel tangible.

It’s the slow burning stress that I feel

The deep underlying shame

Of calling myself an actor

Attaching my identity to that idea

And never working.

That’s the stress that I feel.

And I want to know.

What the hell do I do about it?

I want this life.

I want this creativity.

I want this flowing acting career.

And yet nothing feels like it’s moving.

What do I do?

Am I broken?

How can I fix this?

Love Curly.

***

Dear Curly.

I love you.

Take a sec to pat yourself on the back

Writing that down and sharing it

Is unreal.

Thank you.

Can I be honest?

When this feeling pops up—

Because boy, let me tell you

It POPS UP!

That feeling of being stagnant.

The feeling of being disconnected

From the industry

The feeling of not being valued as an actor

Because you’re not booking work…

It sucks.

It’s painful.

And it’s really heartbreaking to hear you

Say it out loud.

But I can promise you something.

You are not alone.

Every single bloody actor

In this country,

I don’t care if you’re

Cate Blanchett or Joel Edgerton

Has had moments, periods,

In their career

Long periods even,

Where they weren’t working…

And during those times,

They’ve felt the same way as you do,

Right now.

So I repeat.

You are not alone.

***

Now!

What the hell can we do about it?

Try breaking into these

Three steps.

***

One:  Zoom out.

Look at the big picture.

Here’s a little joke I like.

How do you make an actor complain?

You give them a job.

That’s dumb.

But funny.

Something I've learned from having two kids is…

There’s never going to be a time,

When there are no problems

And life is just smooth sailing.

It’s the nature of starting a family

And taking on the responsibility for raising tiny humans.

Of course there will be glorious periods

Where I will feel like I’ve figured it all out

And I deserve a dad of the year trophy.

But those times will pass.

And I will feel, once again, like I’m once negotiating

With a small terrorist because

They don’t want to wear those shoes today.

…A problem I face every other day, currently.

I know this…

Because I watch how my own parents

Still have to negotiate my siblings and I

As we navigate life,

And we’re all on our late 30s.

We aren’t quite so emotionally

Unregulated as a toddler,

Most of the time…

But It made me realise something:

Just because kids grow up,

Doesn’t mean the problems disappear.

There will always be problems.

The problems will just change shape.

Give an actor who hasn’t worked in a year a job,

And they will find that they hate their costume,

Or they aren't getting paid enough,

Or complain to their partner that

The designer doesn’t understand their vision

For the character and they are going to

Look like an absolute idiot in that

Ruffle and wig.

You see my joke had a point…

So.

If you find yourself noticing the thought

“When I, then I…”

For example:

When I get that opportunity

Then all my problems will be over.

When I get that job,

Then I’ll can truly call myself an actor.

When I win an award

Then I’ll be worthy.

When I never have to audition again

Then that means they respect me.

Etc etc…

If you find yourself feeling that

When I, then I…

Zoom out.

Get curious.

Ask yourself

Is that true?

Or is it simply

The story I’ve been telling myself?

The truth is

Working on a show right now

May solve some short term problems.

Of course.

But it won’t eliminate them altogether.

If you get a job.

If you book THE job,

Your problems will simply change shape.

So,

What’s the advice?

Get really good at problem solving.

This way, the questions becomes…

“Not what is wrong with me”?

“Why do I feel this way”?

But

“What is the problem I’m actually trying to solve”?

And

“How can I solve it in a way that energises me”?

***

Which leads me to…

Two: Get Curious

What does working professionally

As an actor give you?

A sense of connection.

A feeling like you’re making a contribution.

A source of income.

Let’s roll with those three for now.

Connection. Contribution. Income.

These are three massive life pillars.

And if you rely solely on acting to

Complete all three…

That’s setting yourself up for a very challenging life.

Because most of the time

The decision to act professionally

Is not in our hands.

My advice?

Separate these life pillars

And give up on being reliant on acting

To fulfil all these needs at once.

Find ways to connect.

With people that energise you.

Invest in those relatioships.

The saying goes,

You’re the sum of the 5 people

You spend most time with.

So choose wisely and cultivate

Connections with people that allow

You to give work that makes you feel alive.

Find ways to Contribute

By yourself or better yet, in a team,

In a way that energises you.

When we act professionally,

Of course we feel valuable,

Because we’re putting our knowledge

And our craft to use.

So how can you find ways to

Give value,

Without someone telling you what to do?

By solving problems.

Look at your life.

Solve a problem that you have.

Share that solution.

This might mean

Writing a script,

It might also mean building a chicken coup.

There’s not a correct answer…

The point is

To make a contribution,

To give,

So you’re able to feel valuable

Outside of acting.

And of course…

Find ways to support yourself financially

Outside of acting

That feels in line with what you actually value.

How?

Again.

Solve a problem in your own life.

Share that solution.

That might mean teaching yoga,

Or even set construction.

There isn’t one answer.

The point is feeling financially reliant

On a career that is as uncertain as acting

Is a one way ticket to a miserable life.

Give yourself the grace

To understand that nobody

Makes an entire living, solely from acting

Over the course of an entire career.

***

Three: Timeline

The vast majority of anxiousness

About our careers seems to come from the

Feeling that there is somehow a deadline.

For example:

“If I don’t “make it” by the time I’m 25

Then it’s not worth pursing”.

Or

“If I haven’t booked a feature film in my 30’s

There’s no point, I’ll have missed the boat”.

And I get it.

This industry can feel cut throat at times.

External pressure from family,

Body clocks,

Desire for security,

These can all feel like

A ticking time bomb,

Bearing down on us

If we let them.

But the important thing to remember

About the timeline of a career is:

It is up to us to decide what that is.

And the truth about career deadlines?

There aren’t any.

Only the ones you place on yourself.

This is the long game

And if you want a sustainable career

Ask yourself:

What is my timeline?

What story have I been telling myself?

What am I making that mean?

Is that timeline based on love or fear?

Stress is temporary.

You don’t have a job now,

But a career spans a lifetime.

It’s something you look back on afterwards.

So.

Spend your time enriching life

So the job that is just around the corner

Is the cherry on top.

***

Returning to your question about stress

And the stress of waiting…

The answer?

Take responsibility.

It’s entirely up to you

With how you deal with this problem.

And how much joy you can bring to solving it.

I turn to philosopher

John Lithgow

Who you may remember

As the voice of Lord Far Quad in Shrek.

And maybe from some

Other stuff he’s done…

He says:

“Make life exciting for yourself

That does not depend on other peoples

Hiring you.

Give yourself something in your life

That’s more important than acting.

Something creative, that’s all yours

That doesn’t depend on somebody calling you up

So you’re not sitting around

And waiting for that.

Give yourself a goal and and aim and a project

And chances are, you’ll never achieve it

The reason being… somebody will hire you to act.

But in the meantime,

You’re in charge of your own creative life”.

So.

Cultivate a life of joy and play.

Pursue something you love,

Something that gives you energy

With zero expectation of receiving anything back.

No outcomes. No results.

Practice this kind of generosity

And keep climbing the mountain,

One step at a time,

Then maybe one day,

You’ll look back down and think

Shit, look how far I’ve come.

Have fun out there.

Dx