Learn How To Say “No”

How to say no:

Listen to your body. 

The end.  

Only joking. 

It could end there. 

But for the fact

That you took the time

To click on this,  

I’ll elaborate…

I started writing article

A year ago.

To the day in fact,

And just as the 2026 season

For all the theatre shows for all the

Major companies across Sydney

Were revealed in the last few weeks

I was reminded of a decision I made earlier this year

And of this article I’d written,

And felt it was perhaps a useful time to share it.

Last week I saw a poster for a show.

With an actor’s face on it

A friend,

A brilliant actor,

Someone I’ve worked with

Who love and respect.

And as I looked at the poster,

I thought to myself…

“That could have been me on that poster”.

Not in a resentful way.

In a literal way,

You see, I was offered that role.

And turning it down

Was one of the more difficult decision I’ve made

For my acting career in recent memory.

Context…

For the longest time

Since I began acting, 

I was considered a

“Shakespearian actor”.

And for good reason.

My first play was Henry V.

 I was fourteen years old.

Along with a few other students,

I played Henry V. 

I fell in love with the story,

The language,

The feeling of being on stage,

With acting. 

For the first time in my life

I felt truly empowered.

From there,

A group of us entered

A Shakespeare competition

Which we won,

From this competition

My career in Shakespeare

Took a a flying leap.

Before even attending drama school

I worked professionally

Toured nationally,

Performed internationally

All doing Shakespeare. 

Working on some of

The greatest plays ever written

(in my opinion) 

Working with the best language and characters

And all this…

Was monumental in shaping

The next fifteen years of my life. 

I loved every minute of it. 

Ad it wasn’t long —

I was 19 in fact —

When started teaching Shakespeare 

All across the country. 

Shakespeare was literally funding my life.

Even when I wasn’t acting

I was able to make a living out of it.

And I bubbled along like this

For years. And years…

Until finally…

After working in this way

For over a decade

I felt stuck. 

Like I was pigeon holed. 

Like my life and career

Was set out for me.

And this was all I was ever going to do.

And I had no choice in the matter.

Around this time I did a show at STC

And an actor in the production basically said to me:

“You gotta’ branch out if you want your career to progress…”

And a common story that another friend had repeated

To me over the years was

“Damo, nobody our age has done more Shakespeare than you”. 

And I remember feeling…

Icky. 

Something that had once given me pride

Had me feeling sick.

Queasy. 

Why?

I wanted more. 

It was a beautiful compliment.

And yet…

His generous encouragement, 

Began to feel like a story

That was limiting

Rather than motivating.

And that my life and career could easily

Continue down this path forever. 

And it clicked.

I didn’t want to be a “Shakespearian actor”.

I didn’t consider myself a Shakespearean actor.

I’m just… an actor.

And if I wanted to experience other joys

Other jobs, other paths. 

Other exciting opportunities and experiences. 

It meant learning how to say “no”.

And I gotta’ say:

For a while… this felt OVERWHELMING.

Because the idea of no,

Meant saying no to safety.

To security.

To what I knew I could do.

What I knew I could make a living out of.

But once I opened the trap door of

“No”

I realised I’d been rationalising

Reasons to say “yes”,

Because of belief systems and

Stories that I’d been telling myself

That simply weren’t true.

“They won’t like you if you say no”!

“You should say yes to EVERY OPPORTUNITY”!

“You should be grateful for the work”!

“You’ll never be employed by the company again if you say no”!

“You’ll seem ungrateful if you say no”!

“If you turn down work the opportunity will never come again!”

“You’re not an actor if you're not actually acting”!

Hmmm

When I read these back…

I see a guy, doing his best

To be liked… to survive

In a really challenging and uncertain industry.

And I feel for him…

Because I also see a lot of fear.

And I ask myself…

For the rest of my life,

Do I want to make all my decisions out of

Fear… or love?

These stories weren’t just applicable to work

But in so many situations and areas

Of my life that it wasn’t funny.

And if I wanted to shift my career

In a totally new direction

I needed a plan:

So I wrote down,

Precisely the career I wanted to have.

“I want to act on Australian television”.

“I wan to be in a feature film”

“I want to write a feature film”.

“I want to act in something that I write”.

And so on.

It was a lengthy sheet of paper.

Then,

I spoke with my agent.

Shared my plans

Luckily,

She was generous and supportive.

Then… I waited.

When the next job offer came up—

It was one that in the past,

One I would usually have jumped at:

A tour.

All across Australia.

In a Shakespeare play.

But I had my plan.

So.

I spoke it over with my partner

And I said “No”.

Oh my god…

Despite having a plan,

It was terrifying. 

My entire belief system

Around acting work

And what I should do

What the “right” thing to do—

Is being threatened.

Not to mention

Opportunities like this had made up

The vast majority of my income 

over the past decade.

My brain was screaming at me

To take the job!

Take the money!

Take the security!

Run!

But if I wanted to 

Do the things I really wanted do.

It meant trusting myself. 

Trusting the process.

More specifically, 

Trusting my gut. 

***

It is a gift to do what we do for a living.

Any actor who has gone through long periods

Of unemployment

Knows that.

I am grateful for every opportunity.

But

Saying “no” in 2018 allowed me space

To go back to screen acting classes.

It allowed me time to prepare for auditions,

To focus on honing my craft,

And acquiring new skills

To become a more balanced performer.

What I discovered…

Is that there is a world of

Extraordinary challenges,

In my craft and career that I want to face.

Exciting writers and directors

I want to work with, 

Characters I want to play

And stories I want to live in.

And if I hadn’t said “no” then

I would have missed

The opportunity to work on my first feature film,

Which coincided exactly with

when I would have been performing Shakespeare

on that tour.

The reason I bring this up…

Is because those stories that I’d told myself

The belief systems that I’d operated under

For the entire first half of my career

Simply aren’t true.

Because

Earlier this year,

The opportunity to lead a play

On a national tour popped up again.

But this time,

It would be my face on the tour bus.

My face on all the theatres across Australia.

So when that offer was made,

I gotta’ say

I was so flattered by it,

That even writing this now

Is nearly bringing me to tears.

What an honour.

What a special full circle moment.

But I knew,

Almost instantly

When I read the email in my inbox

What my response was going to be.

But interestingly…

My head went to the same place—

The “shoulding” place.

“You should take it”.

“You should be grateful”.

“The chance will never come up again”.

And I spent the entire weekend

Trying to convince myself to say “yes”.

And when I finally caught that thought…

I decided to do an exercise.

I’ll flip a coin.

And listen to my reaction.

Heads: I’ll take the job,

Tails: I’ll turn it down.

I flipped.

Tails.

I’m not going to do it.

I felt instantly the slightest sense

Of relief…

I felt ever so slightly more relaxed.

I could breathe a bit more easily.

And I realised:

“I’m trying to convince myself to do something

My body knows it doesn’t want to do…”

Yep… my body knew.

What’s my point?

Your brain can and will try to convince you of anything.

But you body knows the truth.

Your body won’t lie.

So.

What’s a systematic way

To learn how to say no?

1) The very first step to saying no,

Is knowing what you want to say yes to.

To give yourself something to aim at.

So… get clear on what you want.

What you really want.

How?

Ask yourself:

What work

Truly excites you?

What work, when you think about it

Makes you light up?

The thought of which fills you with energy?

What kind of work

Would  make all the struggle worth it?

Then…

2) Get curious…

Does the opportunity present

a) Give you energy?

or

b) Take your energy?

Listen to your body.

Trust your gut.

3) Give yourself

Permission to be honest.

4) And say what is so—

With love.

For an example

Here’s the exact email

I wrote to that theatre company.

Dear X

Thank you for the opportunity.

I was very flattered to receive the offer

Which made this decision extremely difficult.

However, after a lot of soul searching over the weekend

(And many conversations with Jess!),

I've decided not to do the tour.

I would love to come back and play again,

But for now, touring nationally is too big an ask for my little family.

So, it's less a "no" and more a "not yet"!!

Thanks again. 

Much love, Damo x 

***

Of course this is not all black and white.

Life is not black and white.

Sometimes choices will feel muddy.

And nothing will be clear.

And that’s okay.

You simply do your best.

Give yourself permission to make the choice

That makes sense for now.

It can and will change day to day,

Month to month

Year to year.

Let it.

For my grey decisions,

When I’m not 100%

Sure immediately.

I have a cheeky little back up system.

These questions usually help me to unite the knot.

There are three boxes:

1) Does it pay well?

2) Does it advance my career?

3) Is a passion project?

To say yes,

The job must tick at lest two of these boxes.

***

When you start saying “no”,

You realise there are areas

Of life that you say “yes” to

Out of pure habit.

To me

Saying No

Represents a massive act of self care.

It’s about

Reducing outside noise,

Tuning in to your body to

Give it what it needs.

Saying no

Allows you to focus

On the areas

In your life and career

That you really want to.

And when your two greatest

Assets in life

And your attention and your time.

I think saying “no”

Is pretty blody important.

***

Before I saw the poster for the 2026 season come out

I had this lingering fear…

Would I regret my choice?

Would I wish that I’d say “yes”.

Keep in mind —

It had been a very quiet year until a few months ago…

And 5 months worth of paid work,

Sounds really bloody helpful right now

Not only did I not feel regret,

I felt proud.

Proud of my friend who would be taking on the role.

But proud of myself

For honouring what my body

And honouring what I really want.

So

Whether it’s a indy theatre show,

Professional.

Commercial.

TV.

Film.

Short film

Your cousin’s TikTok video

Or even just going to the pub tonight…

Really tune in.

What is your body telling you?

It won’t lie.

Have fun out there.

Dx