Never Audition Again

When I was in my early twenties,

If I opened my email inbox

And saw the word:

“AUDITION”

I felt sick. 

Which, for an actor,

May sound a little odd. 

Eventually…

I had to ask myself

‘Am I supposed to feel nauseous

Every time I get the chance 

To do the thing that I supposedly love’?

I was very good at pretending that

Auditions didn’t phase me. 

But in my mind,

An audition was a test. 

A test that begged the question:

‘Am I good enough or not’?

When I saw the word “Audition'“,

I felt instantly judged. 

Like I’d lost the part,

Before I’d even looked at a script.  

And when I went into each 

Audition room, 

I put so much pressure on myself

To get the part

Because it felt like my one shot.

And if I blew it, 

Then I might as well give up.

Because if I didn’t book, 

How could I possibly call myself an actor?

Yeah. 

What a headache.

How was I to sustain this feeling,

If I wanted to have a long career?

Something wasn’t adding up.

So.

Desperate to understand

What made for a “good” audition,

I asked my agent to hire me out as a reader

For any casting directors

Who needed one.

And for a few years, 

I read a lot. 

Pilot season. 

Films.

Television series.

I watched some of the best actors in Australia, 

In the top casting rooms

Ply their craft. 

I got to see, first hand 

Some wonderful auditions

…And some not-so-wonderful ones. 

Most of the time,

It was fairly same same.

An actor walks in. 

They say “hello”, shake hands,

Introduce themselves, 

General polite chit-chat, then:

“Okay, let’s look at the scene”. 

At the end, they say “thanks”

And leave. 

If someone did a particularly great job

The casting director  and I

Might look at each other

After the actor left the room 

And say: “wow, they were great”.

A lot of times I was left thinking:

“How the hell are they going to choose

Between those three actors?

They’re all great in their own way”. 

But…

 Every now and then,

An actor would come in

And blow everyone away. 

One stands out

In particular. 

Let’s call him 

Jarred. 

Now Jarred came in to audition for a film

Playing opposite Russell Crowe. 

A scene where he had to 

Take his own life. 

An intense scene

With intense stakes,

to say the least. 

Every other actor, 

That came in, 

Stood and delivered.

They were great. 

But Jarred was different. 

Shortly after arriving and saying

The usual “hello’s”

He said… 

“Hey, can we do this lying down?

I really want to do the scene on the floor”

The casting director agreed,

Took the camera off the tripod

And went handheld.

Instead of using me as a reader,

He asked if we could be in the scene together,

“This is a bit weird, I thought”.

But, of course, I agreed. 

So there we were,

Huddled up in the corner against

The edge of a couch,

Lying on the floor,

Working on the scene like he was shooting it

With Russel Crowe himself. 

I walked out of that room thinking

Wow… what a great audition!

So it came as no surprise to me that 

A year or so later,

I saw Jarred’s name on the film poster,

Right next to Russel’s.

But I’d missed the point. 

And I spent years auditioning, 

Failing countless times, 

Before hearing the words of Bryan Cranston 

Articulating what Jarred did so well. 

This is his advice to 

Young actors who are musing

On how best to approach an audition.

Mr. Cranston explains:

“The best approach:

Change your mindset.

Forget about trying to get the job. 

Just go in there and be the character

In the best way you know how then walk away. 

The rest is out of your control”. 

Ooft. 

Thanks, Walter White.

Thinking back on Jarred’s audition,

I realised that every audition I’d ever done, 

I was trying to present 

A polished piece of acting. 

A finished work of art.

I was aiming to do the

Perfect performance

Of what I’d practised 

Before I was in the room. 

In doing this,

Not only was I setting myself up

For disappointment when I didn’t do

Exactly what I’d planned,

It left me very little wiggle room

For exploration. 

Adaption.

Growth. 

Play. 

Even, just… having fun. 

Also,

I was thrown easily. 

Because there are so many variables:

The reader. 

The casting director. 

Traffic noise. 

Suddenly needing to pee. 

Walking into a room and realising

I have to do chemistry tests via Zoom 

Because the other actor is in the US!

So many things

Outside of my control.

Including the result itself. 

And by holding on so tightly

To the meaning that 

Winning or losing the role

Influenced my identity as an actor, 

I was digging myself a deep trench of 

Depression.

I had been trying to get the job,

So I could call myself an actor.   

Wow. 

What a catch.

Something had to shift. 

Turns out, it was something very simple. 

 My language. 

What did Jarred do so well

That Bryan Cranston articulated? 

He was generous.

With himself and with us. 

Forgetting it was an audition, 

Jarred gave himself permission to do it his way. 

He owned the character like it was his already.

And treated the room like he was working on set.

He took all the time in the world. 

Asked for what he needed. 

Stopped when he needed to, 

Started again when he felt like it.

Created the environment he needed and

Put himself in a place that would

Allow himself to give 

His most generous work.

In other words…

He treated the character like it was his already

And simply rehearsed.

After years of struggling

And searching to articulate

What made for a ‘good’ audition 

It dawned on me…

The word: audition.

The meaning I’d attached to it

Wasn't serving me.

Perhaps it never did.

I came to realise,

An audition is not an audition. 

It’s an opportunity to rehearse. 

Language is important. 

Change the language, 

Change the story. 

Change the story, 

Change your life. 

That may sound dramatic,

The technical name for this principle is

Linguistic relativity.

A 2007 study by cognitive scientist

Lera Boroditsky

Found that people who speak languages

with different ways of describing time

Like English vs. Mandarin

Actually perceive time differently.

Other examples are how we

Perceive left vs. right and upvs. down.

The study shows that

When you change the language,

You change the lens through which

Your brain interprets the experience.

And that directly alters how you

Feel,

Respond,

And perform.

Changing the language of an audition

Can reframe the experience

As something expansive and empowering

Rather than something judgmental and threatening.

This simple shift in language,

Changed my entire perspective.

“Audition” 

became

“Opportunity”.

And with practice, 

Auditions went from being 

A scary place of judgement 

To a place of exploration and growth. 

And I began to approach them 

The same way as I would

Any rehearsal room. 

The definition of “rehearse”

Is something along the lines of:

To go over again, 

To rake and turn the soil.

To plough the field. 

In other words;

To work. 

The idea of rehearsing 

Takes the pressure away from 

Having to deliver a

Perfect,

One-off, 

Lightning in a bottle performance.

When you rehearse

What do you focus on?

Exploration.

Openness.

Play.

You can focus on

A process by which to delve 

Deeper into yourself,

In order to give over a part of yourself

To the character and to the story. 

And over the years

I came to realised,

That’s the point:

The opportunity IS the job. 

The opportunity IS the work.

I’m not an actor because I book the job,

I’m an actor regardless,

And that’s just one aspect of who I am.

And in my own time, 

I’ve found myself in more and more rooms

Giving work that I’m actually proud of.

And leaving those rooms

Feeling satisfied

Rather than full of regret.

To be clear:

I’m not saying don’t make choices

About your character before

An audition.

The opposite, in fact.

I’m saying make the most

Ruthless, unapologetic choices you can

And commit to them

With everything in your being

The same way you would

If you were exploring in a

Rehearsal.

And hold those choices loosely.

Because inevitably,

You will encounter variable after variable

And you want to be able to respond and adapt.

Now…

Having said all this,

Of course,

I am still nervous at times.

Feeling nervous for an opportunity is 

A beautful thing.

It means you’re alive. 

It means you care.

But…

Rather than “auditioning”,

Redirect that energy into

Rehearsing.

It’s your opportunity 

To do the thing you love. 

To work. 

To offer a piece of yourself. 

And own the part.

For fifteen minutes 

The character is yours

And yours alone to rehearse

And play with, as you please because

Believe it or not,

Casting want you to be the one.

They want you to be the piece of the jigsaw puzzle

And you’ll never have a more attentive

Audience then the one in that room.

Years ago,

I delivered a seminar and afterwards,

A drama school graduate told me this quote:   

“No Oscar-winning actor

Ever took a great performance, 

They always gave one”.

So remember,

With every opportunity you are given,

It’s not what you can get,

But what you can give.

Have fun out there.

Dx