NIDA Rejection Made My Career

When I was fourteen,

I did my first play.

It changed my life.

I’ll never forget the smell

Of that tiny theatre,

The feeling of the lights

And being embraced by a tiny audience,

All experiencing a story at the same time.

The feeling was euphoric.

It’s what I imagine people

Who attend gospel churches feel

When they are in the middle of one of

Those crazy sermons…

From that moment,

I knew what I wanted. 

I wanted to be an actor.

I told my mum.

Needless to say…

She was so excited for me.

So full of love and encouragement

She told me

That all the best actors

Go to NIDA.

All the best actors go to NIDA?

Well…that was that.

I could see it clearly. 

 I told her,

Mum, when I leave school…

I’m going to NIDA!

This is the story I told myself 

For three years. 

My best mate and I 

Would spend hours at lunch time

Acting on the empty stage in our school hall,

Writing scripts in English class,

And without really knowing it, 

Immersing ourselves in the craft,

Just for the fun of it. 

And my best friend decided, 

He was going to audition for NIDA too. 

What an awesome opportunity. 

Two best mates,

 Training at the best drama school

In  the country.

That would be unbelievable!

We applied as soon as we graduated,

Prepared monologues. 

Watched films

Practiced over and over and over. 

And on separate days,

went in for our auditions… 

I caught the bus to NIDA

And gave it my best shot. 

I was a confident little actor,

I had an amazing drama teacher

Who inspired me to believe in myself.

And I did.

I believed in my little heart,

That I had a great shot.

And by the luch time break,

Those of us who remained,

From the morning session 

Waited eagerly to find out 

Who would continue 

Auditioning into the afternoon.

I remember…

A lady read out the names from a clipboard.

Mine… was not one of them.

She said:

Thank you for your work everyone,

But if your name wasn’t called, 

You’re free to go. 

“Free to go”, I thought…

But I don’t want to go.

I want to stay.

I want to work.

I want to try again. 

So bad. 

Please.

I want one more chance… 

On the bus ride home 

I called my mum,

And cried.

***

A few weeks later, 

I got a message from my best friend, 

He had received the phone call.

Amazing… he got in. 

I was numb. 

My best friend was going to NIDA.

And I wasn’t.

I don’t remember days that followed,

But it’s safe to say

I was probably in some sort of a funk.

Because I was an actor. 

I knew it in my bones. 

I just wanted to train.

So I auditioned for two other smaller acting school

And, fortunately, got in.

My secret little plan… 

Was to wait a year, train, and improve.

 And audition for NIDA again. 

But life had other plans.

An opportunity presented itself

To act in a professional touring show,

Performing Shakespeare.

Getting paid to act? 

I was 18…

That was something I’d never experienced

So I leapt at the opportunity.

But at the back of my mind, 

I was going back to NIDA,

No matter what…

The story was strong in my mind:

When I get into NIDA, 

Then I’ll be taken seriously. 

When I get into NIDA,

Then I’ll be a good actor. 

When I get into NIDA,

Then I’ll book a big agent. 

And I kid you not…

In the time that I was touring, 

My two other best high school friends, 

Auditioned for NIDA

And BOTH got in the same year!

This was perfect.

I had trained a year at drama school,

I had worked professionally. 

I was ready. 

The was my time. 

Best friends in both third year and in second year.

And I would be in my first year.

All four of us.

Best mates.

At NIDA together.

There was something poetic about it. 

NIDA audition 2.0

I was terrified. 

But confident.

My belief in my ability

And in the story I was devote to

Was so strong,

So ingrained-

There was no way I wasn’t getting in.

This time I breezed though the first day

And was recalled to come back later that same week.

On the second day,

I gave it everything. 

And progressed

Through the first rounds. 

And performed for the head of acting at the time,

Tony Knight and the late great Kevin Jackson,

I played.

I felt free. 

I was goofy.

I was energised. 

I was… really proud of myself.

And again at lunch, 

I waited for my name to be called. 

I still remember

The little room we sat in, 

With the vending machine in the corner,

As the lady read out names.

I listen eagerly for mine:

It never came.

***

On the bus ride home.

Again, I called my mum 

This time, she cried.

For a while

The feeling of failure…

The inability to make my dream come to pass

Would linger over me. 

And when ever I spent time

With my best friends

And their NIDA buddies,

I always felt like

An outsider.

It wasn’t until  years later, 

I would speak with Matt Skobalak.

A really generous man,

Who was, at the time, 

One of the heads of casting at CBS. 

He would occasionally fly to Australia and

Meet with young actors to get to know the local talent.

After conversing him for hours 

(And after consuming a few too many drinks)

He put into words,

Something that I’d struggled with

For my entire career.

He scribbled something on a piece of paper 

And stuck it in my pocket.

The next, I woke up

Groggy… 

And read:

“Your journey is your own. 

Good, bad, or otherwise, it’s yours”

Gives me a little tingle to read that back.

Because the penny dropped. 

Going to NIDA  was something 

That I felt like I should do. 

Something I had to do.

Because it was the story 

I had told myself for years. 

“All the best actors go to NIDA”.

So without going,

There’s no way I could

Be a successful actor.

But…

If I hadn’t missed out twice

I wouldn’t have booked that professional touring job.

I wouldn't have gone to ACA or WAAPA,

I wouldn’t have met the same friends who are now family. 

My community.

I would never have had the opportunities

That have made my career mine.

I might not  even be sitting here, writing this now.

There are a million reasons why 

I wasn’t the choice on the day. 

Perhaps on a different day, or year

I would have been the missing puzzle piece.

But the journey of being an actor

Doesn’t stop at NIDA, or WAAPA 

Or an agent. 

Or a job.

None of those things define a career.

My partner didn’t go to any drama school.

And yet she has had a thriving acting career,

Leading television shows, films and 

Theatre at the Opera House. 

Go figure.

There’s not one size fits all.

And a career in acting is never linear.

It's not a straight line.

Having a dream, a north star

Is a beautiful thing

And important to guide your decision making.

But holding that dream loosely

And allowing your body to guide you

In your decision making

Is the surest path to building

A sustainable career

Over time.

“I’m going to NIDA”

Was a story

I told myself

Because I thought 

It would solve all my problems.

I was setting myself up to be hurt, 

Banking my hopes and dreams on

Booking one of twenty-five spots per year

In the most sought after acting institution in the country.  

A result entirely outside of my control.

And then by comparing my journey 

With that of three friends, 

Who all happen to be extraordinary actors.

**

But wouldn’t you know it.

A few weeks ago I was invited back to NIDA

To read the lead role in a new feature film,

Opposite Yael Stone, 

Richard Roxburgh,

Michael Caton, 

Genevieve Lemon.

And I couldn’t help but think,

Of everything that has happened

Over the past fifteen years,

That led me to this point.

Why am I telling you this?

If I continued that story:

“When I go to NIDA,

Then I’ll be enough…”

I might still be auditioning for NIDA. 

Sometimes the best thing to do

Is to let go and forge a new path.

That’s not to say: 

Don’t have dreams.

Don’t have goals

Don’t aim high

Certainly, do! 

But ground those dreams 

In the knowledge that

Their outcome does not define

You or your story.

And when things don’t work out,

Sometimes the kindest 

Thing you can do for yourself:

Let go. 

Let be.

Let your body grieve the loss.

Let yourself go through the pain. 

Are you a failure?

Absolutely not. 

Are you still an actor?

Absolutely.

And on the other side

You can make a new choice

And allow a new story to begin.

CODA

If you’re feeling like you’ve missed out,

And you can’t see a way forward.

Remember this: 

The road is long.

There is only one path to take.

Yours.

Sometimes

Re-writing the story is the way forward.

Have fun out there

Dx

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