An Antidote If You Feel Like A Failure

Once upon a time

There was a little kid

Who dreamed of becoming an actor.

Working for big theatre companies,

Working with talented artists,

Collaborating with directors,

Standing on giant sets with hundreds of people.

Playing.

Performing.

Expressing themselves.

Having fun.

That little kid grew up.

And committed their whole life

To this dream.

They worked their butt off

In a part time job,

So they could go to auditions

To finally get that one role

That would be their big break.

But it became clear that

To do what they loved consistently,

Was going to be far harder than they imagined.

Auditions were scarce.

Meaningful opportunities rare.

But, not to be deterred,

They waited patiently

For the phone to ring,

For the email to arrive.
Telling them,

“Here’s your chance

Go get it”.

Days.

Weeks.

Months.

Went by.

And, still, they waited

For that golden opportunity

To do what they love.

Problems began to arise.

Cost of living was on the way up,

The cost of rent,

A nightmare,

And to make it worse,

All around them,

They could see other people’s careers taking off.

They were flying.

Killing it.

And a certain feeling crept up on them.

A feeling that…

Perhaps they weren’t wanted.

Perhaps they aren’t good enough.

Perhaps they would never “make it”.

And slowly but surely.

They began to feel

Like a failure.

But they knew they had it in them.

They knew they had the capacity

To give work they were really proud of.

In their heart,

They knew they had much more to offer.
The industry.

The world.

Waiting no longer felt like an option.

Because an opportunity simply wasn’t presenting itself…

Something had to give.

***

This story is not uncommon.

I can hear my younger self screaming

“How can I justify calling myself an actor

When I’m not acting”!?

And to be honest,

I can hear myself older self

Saying that too.

It’s very easy for actors

To label themselves a “failure”

Because of this narrative.

So, what’s the cure?

Or what’s a cure anyway-

It’s simpler than you might think.

It’s purpose.

For the sake of this article,

Let’s just think of purpose simply as,

“Something to work towards”.

So.

What purpose do you focus on?

Let’s go one step further and ask,

Shouldn’t that purpose be meaningful?

Which begs the question -

What makes a purpose meaningful?

And how can I find my purpose?

Well…

One way to find out,

Ask yourself these questions:

What matters to you?

What are you good at?

What would you like to be good at?

What do you love to learn about?

What sets you on fire?

What fills you with energy?

What makes you happy?

Now that’s a funny one.

I’ve heard the idea of ‘happiness’

Defined over the years in various ways.

One of which was:

“A lack of desire”.

Or

“Contentment”.

And… well… sure-

That’s great

If you’re on holiday.

Feeling a sense of contentment,

Because of a lack of desire is a wonderful thing.

But how long will that feeling last?

A few days?

A few weeks?

Eventually…

Every hedonist will recognise that

Lasting fulfilment requires purpose.

Now.

My favourite definition of happiness

That I heard recently is:

“A sense of control over one’s surrounding,

that progress is being made”

Ahuh!

The operative word in that sentence is:

progress.

Towards what?

A goal.

In this sense, I would argue that

True happiness and fulfilment come as a result

Of making meaningful progress

Towards one’s goals.

Your purpose therefore

Isn’t about necessarily

Reaching a specific end point,

A job, a role an award.

You can’t “win”

In this business.

But find a

Meaningful process

To make

Meaningful progress

Towards a goal.

Find joy in the process of a

Of a pursuit

That is valuable to you.

It could be anything.

Running.

Cooking.

Writing a book.

Lifting weights.

Studying something new.

Poetry.

Making a podcast.

Building a website.

Learning how to write code.

In fact,

I’m starting to think about building a

Treehouse for my kids right now,

Whatever!

It’s about all about meaningful growth

And having something meaningful to work towards.

So…

What can you do, right now,

If you’re feeling like a failure?

Here are two choices:

Either

Master yourself and your craft

And wait for an opportunity.

Or

Contribute

And create the opportunity.

But first things first…

Step One.

Look after that little kid.

The one from the story,

Who feels like a failure.

Tell them:

“It’s going to be okay.

Because we’re in it for the long game”.

Nurture their desire

Because it’s precious.

Step Two.

Get clear on what that desire is.

Exactly.

Precisely.

How do you want to spend your time and energy?

What is the North Star you are aiming for?

What does the day to day look like?

Feel like?

Get clear.

Write it down.

Step Three:

Connect.

Find a peer who is doing what you want to be doing.

Or find someone who is where you want to be.

And connect with them.

Why?

External accountability.

On your own, it’s easier to let things slide.

In a team, you can help keep each other accountable.

We are, by nature, social creatures.

And can learn a lot from each other.

Take it from a massive introvert,

I work mostly one on one,

Or collaborate in small groups

Because I learned the value

And energy it gives me

When I work with others.

I’ve written a dedicated article on

“How to Find your Tribe”.

But for now, just know that collaborating

With people you connect with

Can be one of the most energising

Experiences in building anything.

Step Four.

Contribute.

Build your boat.

And share it.

Make progress towards

Building something.

Whether that’s;

A company.

A show.

A script.

A dining table.

A group habit.

Whatever!

No matter what it is,

Find a way to share what you’ve done.

What you’re doing is

Finding purpose and meaning

Through contribution.

Here’s a real world example:

A friend recently finished up a large role on

An Australian Television series.

Coming back to Sydney,

He realised he’d had enough of his cafe job.

He loves yoga and practices three times a week

And knew he could work in that space.

So he spoke to his yoga teacher

And will undertake a yoga teaching course next year

With a goal to open his own studio,

And eventually run his own business.

He’s taken something that he loves,

Something that he’s already good at

And is leveraging that knowledge

To work towards a meaningful goal,

That still allows him to focus on acting.

Pretty f-ing cool if you ask me.

But that’s not for everyone.

If you would prefer to focus

Solely on you and your career, then:

Master yourself

And your craft.

That might be through

Going to acting classes,

Working with a  performance coach,

Or acting mentor,

Organising with a friend to

Do “deep work” acting sessions

Or it might be as simple as

Looking after your health,

Practicing self-care

And giving yourself time and space to

Just float.

What ever you need to do,

Do it.

So you can be as valuable as possible

For when the opportunity arrises.

In order to feel

Able to contribute

To the lives of others,

By living a life in service

To your art.

And that’s it.

When you’re making meaningful progress towards

Something you really care about,

Something that gives you joy,

Career or personal life,

It’s much harder to

Feel like a failure.

Sidenote:

It’s also a great cure for boredom!

Stagnation,

Restlessness,

And despair

From a lack of opportunity to work

In the field you love.

At the end of the day it boils down to

Mastering yourself and craft

And waiting for the opportunity.

Or

Collaborating

With people you love

And

Contributing.

Creating the opportunity.

Both are winning options.

And both will leave you feeling less like a failure

And moving towards something that matters

To you.

Have fun out there.

D x